Defeating Defeat

I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I deal with depression on an ongoing basis. Where my depression stems from I am not certain but believe it to be, in part, due to the bullying,etc I experienced as a child. To this day I deal with the scars of this. Yet I am a fighter, and I am continously pushing myself through the negative self-doubt that is always there. For the most part it has become easier to combat the pessimistic thoughts playing in my mind. At times though, it can be exceedingly difficult.

 

Like, when I am planning a new project or about to experience something for the first time (i.e. first time on a rock climbing wall or going back to school after so many years). It is these moments that it can be a real struggle for me. I am sure I’m not the only one who feels this way at times. (There are over a million Canadians per year that have depression). Praying “please don’t let me mess this up” has become a regular mantra for myself, in these type situations. I am constantly having to be told by friends (as well as remind myself) that it is okay to mess up from time to time. To err is human, after all. I have made mistakes in my time. Some mistakes I have made have even been real doozies. I am learning, albeit slowly, to face my mistakes and learn from them; ultimately and hopefully never to repeat them. It is an uphill battle but with the help of friends and close family I am making strides. I am learning to no longer cry over spilt milk.

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